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How have you been impacted by infertility?
Well, this is an interesting question considering my sister and I have both been struggling with infertility for the past couple years in somewhat different ways. The impact personally has been a big one, at one point it took my faith, self-esteem, womanhood, and mental health. The daily struggle it is to try and rebuild all these qualities that make me who I am has been a grueling on top of trying to conceive and, well, just keeping up with life in general. It was very hard initially hearing that my sister was going through the same struggles of trying to become a mother, there were times that I would pray to God to give her a miracle and I would wait, 9/14/20 that little miracle came along.
What helped you cope with your infertility experience?
The biggest coping mechanism I have is my husband, he has been the most supportive and sometimes he was the only person I would speak to about this as we were going through it together. There are days I feel bad leaning on him as I know this pains him just as much as me, but I know he understands and doesn’t see me as any less of a person for having an infertility disorder. If I didn’t have my faith in God, I don’t know where I would be in this life, there are days I am angry and ask him what I’ve done to deserve this, but mostly I thank him for the life and body that I have been given, there is a reason for everything in this life and one day I will figure it out and look back and appreciate the struggle.
If you could give anyone who is experiencing infertility one piece of advice/encouragement what would it be?
Stop comparing your struggles/life to others. No one person’s life is the same. It doesn’t matter if you have dealt with infertility for 10 years, 4 years, 1 year, 5 months, it is still a tragedy. You deserve to tell your story, don’t ever think, ‘well I’ve only dealt with it this long, my feelings aren’t valid,” well news flash, THEY ARE. No woman should even have to go through the pain of looking at negative pregnancy tests every month praying that the next one will be positive even though you know in your heart it won’t be. That is why we need to tell our stories, so we know we are not alone.
How did you help those around you have a better understanding of what you were experiencing?
Its very hard to help someone understand infertility when it has not affected them. The hardest part is when people come up to you asking why you haven’t had a baby yet, the first thing you want to do is be defensive instead of informative. The best answer I can give people is let them know my diagnosis, explaining to them that I have PCOS with a luteal phase defect, meaning my hormones do not align well enough to conceive, my eggs do not mature to fertilize, and if they do my body does not have enough time to implant a healthy pregnancy. This whole process has helped me understand mostly that women do not have much of an understanding of the inner workings of their bodies.
If someone knows someone who is experiencing infertility, what is the best way they could support them?
Give them a shoulder to cry on, they will need it. Ensure to pick up the queues of when they need space and when they need you. They will be in their own head and busy timing when to try and conceive and doctors’ appointments, testing, medication administration; so just know, if they are distant, don’t take it personally, we love you very much but we are in a zombie like state and the days go by without even knowing it.
What does a rainbow symbolize to you?
Hope, love, joy – we are all in the pursuit of these things, aren’t we.
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